i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
