Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
