i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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