she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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