new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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