I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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