I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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