i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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