you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
