some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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