You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
