I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
