I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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