It's Friday. Sex?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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