i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
