She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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