Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
