Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
