I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
