she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
