So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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