I don't usually arrange sex via text message
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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