I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
