The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
