youre lurking in front of me
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
