I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
