He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
