Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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