bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
