i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Even my vagina gasped.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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