I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
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