I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
This is my gift to your gina
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
