standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
