the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
