Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
