new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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