i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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