i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
