Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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