So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
