i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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