I just made out with a guy for $7.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
