Acid is not a monday night drug
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
