It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
