I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Alive.
So much puke
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
