If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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