i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
