dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
