You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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