when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
