I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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