just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
