Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
