So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
