ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
