He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
